Update

So I got approval from my doctor to start on Atkins and started two weeks ago. So far it hasn't been too bad, just a little difficult at times.

Yesterday was Easter, so I cheated a little on my foods because the only option for me was to eat raw veggies and deviled eggs... They were only appetizers and honestly there weren't enough for me to make a meal and allow everyone else to snack. I got to my grandparents' house and asked what we were having so I could map out my meal plan. I ended up at about 50 carbs for the day instead of my 20-25 range BUT I still did great (seeing as how the recommended range is 250-300)!! I have lost a total of 5 pounds so far, no doubt due to my lack of exercise because of my hectic schedule and preparing for my finals/graduation. Once this week is done, I can safely schedule time at LEAST 3 times per week at the Y again and get to working on exercise AND diet. I think my doctor will be pleased with my progress so far.

A MAJOR accomplishment for me was when I put on this dress I have and wore it for Easter. It is an old, 50's style dress that looks like it came directly from the Kentucky Derby hahah but I LOVE it! It is a nice, bright blue with a slim fitting, pencil look all the way down, cap sleeves and a high but wide neckline. I purchased it and was able to (barely) wear it to church once in January... It took a lot of work on my hubby's part to get it zipped but we got it and I walked around all stiff lol Well I put it on yesterday and while it is still slim fitting and my boobs were smashed together a bit, it zipped up with no problems! I was so excited to feel that I had a little extra room, it didn't dig when I set down and it zipped up quickly with no issues! I know the scale says I haven't made much progress but that dress shows me I have!

Something I don't think anyone who doesn't have PCOS will ever understand are the little victories. For us, getting an unassisted period is an accomplishment. Ovulating is an accomplishment. Losing two pounds is an accomplishment. Not having to shave as often because our hormones are starting to balance or they finally found a medicine that works, is an accomplishment. Even getting pregnant (and carrying full term without miscarriage) is a HUGE accomplishment. I think people forget that or don't care to see it. PCOS is a struggle and it is not easy, even if it does not show on the outside that something is wrong, doesn't mean there isn't. There are not only the physical aspects of PCOS but also the emotional aspects. I couldn't tell you how many times I have gotten jealous and sometimes angry when I hear someone I know is pregnant. It is unnecessary but it happens. I get so angry at myself for knowing that I can't just go and get pregnant whenever I want, that it is going to take some work, pills or even expensive procedures. I know that when they have healthy, happy babies, I could miscarry or have a child with health issues. I get jealous because they can do what I can't and it kills me inside because I know that the hubby and I want our own child. It kills me that many of my medical procedures to have a child may not be covered by insurance but all of theirs are. It hurts to know that there is a possibility of it never happening. It is not something I have done to get in this little boat I am in, I am relatively healthy (aside from the weight gin I've experienced lately), I didn't drink or smoke myself silly or even do insane amounts of drugs. I have taken care of myself yet I got this. I like to look on the bright side though. Even if I can't have children of my own, I have been blessed with being able to raise two wonderful sister-in-laws. There is always adoption or surrogacy. God made me this way for a reason and so far has blessed me with a doctor who has the knowledge on how to make everything better or fix it. I know my case is different in some ways than others but I am making strides towards success and leveled out hormones.

I am hoping on my testosterone to go down during the next appointment and for my doctor to say, "Let's give this baby thing a try!". I have to wait a little bit until the hubby knows if he is able to enlist in the Air Force. If so, we'll wait until he enlists and is done with his technical training to try because we can only have so many dependents to start with and we're at the limit to enlist. After that, it's free range on how many and when we have them. I would like to have a decent sized family because we love kids but I will happy just to be blessed with at least one. Wish me luck!